Being a human among humans

When I turned 38 (quite a few years ago now, ahem), I can remember my dad saying to me with a sense of astonishment, “When I was your age, I was well and truly an adult!”

It made me laugh, but I knew what he meant. He wasn’t judging me for not being an adult – more that he was reminding himself that I was one!

We tend to think of our kids as kids, whereas we think of ourselves as fully formed agents in our own lives from a very young age. I sometimes need to remind myself that my not-quite-teenaged daughter is her own person, as fully alive, thoughtful and feeling as I was at her age, and not just some sort of adjunct of me.

I know that in theory of course – but in practice I can find myself unconsciously minimising or devaluing her perspectives and experience. And I don’t want to do that.

It occurs to me that a similar dynamic is at play in leadership – particularly in very hierarchical environments such as law firms. The leaders know their staff are actually people, but on some level they relate to them as adjuncts, resources, less-than.

The thing is, people are very attuned to being in the less-than role, and they don’t like it. They shut down, and disengage. (Most) leaders don’t want their teams to be shut down and disengaged, but these patterns can run very deep.

How might your relationships at work change if you shifted the balance to a more equal human-to-human equation?

It’s been my experience and observation that organisational cultures where this happens are more healthy, constructive and, importantly, productive. It’s also better for the humans. What do you think?

Take care of yourself and others,

Madeleine

PS

I’m currently building a program to help women lawyers in private practice to thrive. I’ve seen patterns in what works – both for myself, my friends, and my clients over many years, and am now pulling all those insights together into a single program. If this is of interest to you, let me know and I’ll be in touch.

I work with clients from executive leadership teams to the front line, helping them to make clearer decisions about what they want, and adapt faster and more easily to change and transition. I use deep purpose as a key to unlock powerful thriving in work and life.

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