On being seen

“… sometimes, you know, you're together so long, that you just... You stop seeing the other person. You just see weird projections of your own junk”

That’s a line from the film The Kids Are Alright. One character is describing how, in a long term relationship, we can stop truly seeing the other person. We just go about our days, interacting surprisingly effectively with a sort of hologram comprised of our own expectations.

It doesn’t only apply to romantic relationships, of course. The same goes for how we interact with our kids, our parents, our friends, our colleagues…

On the flipside, we know when we are the hologram in someone else’s universe and we don’t like it too much.

Being truly seen is a deeply validating and enriching experience.

As Brene Brown says in her book Braving the Wilderness, “never underestimate the power of being seen”.

To connect with someone, you must first see them. Being seen is a necessary prerequisite for belonging.

Who in your world is a hologram to you right now, and what can you do about it?

Take care of yourself and others,

Madeleine Shaw

I work with clients from executive leadership teams to the front line, helping them to make clearer decisions about what they want, and adapt faster and more easily to change and transition. I use deep purpose as a key to unlock powerful thriving in work and life.

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