Surprise! Shaming and judgement aren’t all that motivating
Many years ago, as I was in the very early stages of transitioning out of law and into my brand new career as a coach, I was very reluctant to make business development phone calls to potential clients.
Someone who was advising me at the time agreed I “should” be making those calls. He told me to make them immediately, then left the room so I could make the calls then report back to him when he returned. I still didn’t make the calls, and in addition felt shame and failure at my lack of ability to do something that seemed to be so simple.
If you’re feeling stuck or uncertain, the advice is often
Push through
Show grit
Take massive action
While those strategies have their place, I’d like to offer a different approach: try acknowledging the hesitant part of you and asking it what it wants. By bringing those deeper needs into conscious awareness, you can take a kinder, more accepting approach.
When you understand what that hesitant part wants, you can find a way to reassure it, rather than shaming it and making it wrong. It can then relax.
In my case, I wanted to be safe from judgement and failure. The fear was paralysing me, preventing me from performing. Ironically, judgement and failure were the two things my adviser (inadvertently, and with the best of intentions) served up, thus making my hesitant part act up even more strongly and leaving me even less able to make the calls.
It took me time to realise that it was ok to feel afraid of failure and rejection (those things are painful!). I could reassure that fearful part, and gently work with it so that I could grow my practice in ways that felt authentic and effective for me.
How about your workplace? Is it full of red lines, shame boards (aka leaderboards), public humiliation about targets and the use of other sticks to drive performance? It can seem like a quick way to get results, but what negative impacts might that be having that you can’t necessarily see?
As always, this is not an either/or. I’m not advocating for a soft and fluffy workplace where no-one is expected to deliver and accountability is a dirty word (gold stars for everyone!). A healthy level of challenge is essential to drive performance, accountability is critical, and achievements should be rewarded. It’s just not all that helpful to tip people right over the bell curve into panic and shame to try and get them to high performance.
When your subconscious drivers are working in alignment, rather than doing battle, you are ready to progress. That’s when pushing through, showing grit and taking massive action are great ideas.
Until next week,
Take care of yourself and others
Madeleine
PS If you’d like to work with me to take a look at some reluctance, stuckness or hesitancy in your work or career so you can free yourself up to get moving again, let me know. Send me a message to enquire, and please share with anyone you think may benefit.
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