The magical solution that will solve all your problems

Lots of people grappling with overload and/or a job they find increasingly unlikeable are looking for a magical cure that will solve all their problems. I know how that feels – I did it too.

They click on articles with headlines like the one on this post, hoping to find, at last, a formula which will be both effortless to apply and 100% effective. They outsource their agency to the author of a self-help book then either blame themselves, or the author, or both, when things don’t change.

Each day, you make many thousands of decisions. Many of these are effortless and mostly outside your conscious awareness...

Q: Will I take a second sip of this delicious cup of tea? A: Yes.

Many, though, are trickier but the underlying calculation behind them is still largely outside conscious awareness.

Q: Will I stay online and get this work done, or will I log off and spend the evening relaxing as planned? A: …

These decisions are harder because they involve conflicting values. Whichever way you go, you feel a level of conflict about not having gone the other way.

I call these points of choice, creatively, “Choice Points” (stay with me). When you hit a choice and move in a direction that, on some other level, makes you fearful, sad or resentful it’s not a great feeling. When you do that many hundreds or thousands of times every day, week in and week out, it’s a recipe for profound unhappiness.

Here’s the first thing. Tips, tricks and magical silver bullets are like paracetamol. They can help temporarily with the discomfort and that can be great. They don’t fix the underlying condition.

Here’s the next thing. Tips, tricks and silver bullets won’t eliminate choice points. You will always have to choose between competing priorities, sometimes on a very profound level. If you are working and have a family, for example, you will need to choose between work and family at times.

But here’s the big thing. When you experience a choice point as a 50/50 battle between either option, there are no winners.

The key, then, is to have a strong connection to your deepest and most profound values and sense of self. Then the choice gets easier.

Choose to keep working, and while you might have some regret about missing the family time, you will know you’ve made a sound choice in alignment with your core principles. Choose to log off, and you can enjoy the time with your family without half your brain still worrying about work.

How to maintain a strong connection to your deepest and most profound values and sense of self in the face of a society that can feel like it’s conspiring to take you away from them? Well… it takes work, commitment and time. But it’s worth it.

Until next week,

Take care of yourself and others
Madeleine

PS If you’d like to work with me on this, let me know. No magical cures, but 12+ years of experience helping people do just this. Send me a message to enquire, and please share with anyone you think may benefit.

I help accomplished professionals untangle difficult career questions so they can thrive in work and life.

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