A good leaving
“Leaving a system is often more complex than we like to imagine and as a result the tails of a difficult or challenging leaving can be long”
– John Whittington, Systemic Coaching & Constellations
Have you ever been part of an organisation when people have been quickly bundled out the door, for example as part of a redundancy process? One day they are there, the next they are simply not. Their empty desk speaks to their absence and there is a heaviness where their presence used to be. Their tenure, roles and contributions are unacknowledged, leaving an imbalance in the system that is felt by all – even if it is hard to name or pin down.
As I have been learning more about human systems and how they work, one of the most fascinating and resonant aspects for me has been the importance of a “good leaving”. (I am drawing heavily on John Whittington’s work here, and am also grateful for the excellent training in systems and constellations work I received from Kathy Tracey and Allyson Garrido at Systemic Coach Academy NZ.)
When someone leaves a system – a role, an organisation, a social group – the impact on both them and the system they leave behind can be profound. When not handled well, it can lead to serious dysfunction in the organisation as system attempts to restore balance by re-membering those who have gone. Those who remain feel the sense that something is “wrong” and when this is mapped out will often find that their focus is out of the system and on those who have left.
So what is needed for a “good leaving”? It is really quite simple.
Allow people to leave with full respect and acknowledgement for their time, effort and contributions to the organisation.
This serves to balance the system - the leaver and the left are then free to move on, thrive and grow in their new places.
Instead of – speed
Try – taking time to work through and consider what the person has contributed
Even in situations where their contribution has fallen short of what was needed, they still gave something. What was it? Acknowledge fully what the organisation has, that it would not have but for the efforts of the person departing.
Instead of – secrecy or silence
Try – public thanking
Using public forums- email, morning tea, newsletter - to offer genuine acknowledgement and honouring of people’s contribution, tenure and roles in the system.
Instead of – attempting to forget
Try – making a point of remembering
The reality is that those people were in the system once, so allow them that place in your history. Depending on the circumstances, this could look like: a thank you in your newsletter, an alumni network, a “where are they now?” update, a coffee catch up, naming a meeting room, scholarship or similar in someone’s honour… the sky’s the limit, really.
This can be usefully applied well ahead of a departure, not just as it is happening. I see this with the handling of retirement from professional services firms. It can often be difficult for the firm’s management – HR, practice group heads, managing partners – to raise the topic of retirement with a reluctant partner.
The partner considering retirement feels a strong loyalty to the firm, to which they have contributed many years of effort and from which they have received not only income, but friendships, status and identity. When those who need to raise the topic first take time to think through everything that is in the firm due to that partner’s effort and contribution over the years, the balance of energy shifts. Awareness and respectful acknowledgement of these exchanges of effort – both from the retiring partner and from those who will remain - settles the system, builds respect and makes broaching the topic easier. This gives space for good planning for the retirement and thus better outcomes for all involved.
By taking plenty of time to allow for respectful thanks for the leaving person’s contributions, and being sure to use public rituals to acknowledge and wish them well, both those who remain in organisations and those leaving can reap the settling and freeing benefits of a “good leaving”.
Madeleine Shaw
I work with clients from executive leadership teams to the front line, helping them:
Make clearer decisions about what they want, and
Adapt faster and more easily to change and transition.
I use deep purpose as a key to unlock powerful thriving in work and life.
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