Most People Aren't Out to Ruin Your Day. How Do You Handle the Ones That Are?

Sometimes we find ourselves having to work with people who consistently rupture relationships, disrupt our projects, belittle others, or straight up lie and scheme their way through the ranks.

The theory is that such people should be swiftly jettisoned from an organisation, that the damage they do is not worth the dollars or whatever it is they bring in.

That theory may be correct, but of course it doesn’t quite always happen like that. These people are often not only retained, but promoted.

While we all sometimes behave in ways that have a negative impact on others, usually our intentions are good. But what if someone’s intentions are in fact malicious? Handling such challenging individuals requires a realistic and practical approach. While it may not be easy, these strategies can help you effectively manage toxic stakeholders without compromising your team's morale or success.

1. Uncover Their Motivations

Dealing with powerful and toxic stakeholders demands a deeper understanding of their motivations. Take the time to think about what drives their behaviour – is it a desire for control, fear of change, or simply their personality traits? This doesn’t mean giving them a free pass, but it can guide your response and help you tailor your interactions to mitigate their negative impact on you and your team.

2. Set Clear and Firm Boundaries

One of the trickier, but important, steps in managing toxic stakeholders is setting clear and firm boundaries. You need to clearly communicate the acceptable behaviours and consequences for crossing those boundaries. Be ready to enforce these limits if needed, demonstrating that you won't tolerate toxic behaviour while still maintaining professionalism.

I understand that this is hard, especially when the person is more senior and/or powerful. Aim to be both confident and respectful in your interactions. Avoid making personal attacks, and focus on how their actions impact the organisation's - or their - goals. Confidence will help you convey that you value your contributions and the well-being of your team. Respect will show that you acknowledge their position, and are willing to collaborate without compromising your principles.

3. Connect with Allies and Support

Dealing with powerful toxic stakeholders can be isolating, but you don't have to face them alone. Build a network of allies and support within your organisation. Seek out like-minded colleagues or senior leaders who share your concerns and can back you up when dealing with difficult stakeholders. Having a united front will strengthen your position and reduce the toxic stakeholder's influence.

4. Document Everything - I mean, everything

When interacting with a toxic stakeholder, it's essential to keep a record of conversations, decisions, and any agreements made.

Having detailed documentation can protect you from potential gaslighting or manipulation attempts by the stakeholder and provide evidence of your efforts to address their concerns.

Handling powerful and toxic stakeholders is undeniably challenging, but it's not impossible. Importantly, it's not about completely changing their behaviour, but rather safeguarding you and your team and project from their negative influence. By being proactive and determined, you can steer towards success despite the obstacles presented by difficult stakeholders.

Until next week,

Take care of yourself and others,

Madeleine

PS If you’d like me to work with you as you work through dealing with a tricky stakeholder at work, let me know and please share with anyone you think may benefit.

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