Why “sorry, not sorry” isn’t as annoying as it sounds

Last week I wrote about the power of selective affirmation: of being mindful that when you say “yes” to something, you are simultaneously saying “no” to something else.

The complementary skill here is feeling ok about saying “no” to things.

People will often take on commitments out of a fear of being judged or disappointing someone. In a world where conformity and compliance is often rewarded, there will be times when you will want to say “yes” to a request (in addition to saying yes to the things you WANT to do!). If you’re employed to put widgets in boxes, and your boss asks you to put widgets in boxes, I’d probably recommend you put the widgets in the boxes.

But still, there's also something liberating about owning your choices and being unapologetically yourself. Enter the concept of "sorry, not sorry" – a phrase favoured by my teenage daughter that encapsulates the idea of confidently standing by your decisions without feeling the need to apologise for them.

In both your work and personal life, “sorry, not sorry” is about recognising that your decisions may not always align with societal norms or expectations, but they are true to who you are and what you value.

That means you’re saying yes to, and making space for, better things!

In your career, this mindset can empower you to pursue projects that genuinely excite you, even if they deviate from the conventional path. Whether it's choosing a non-traditional career trajectory or advocating for your ideas in a meeting, a “sorry, not sorry” mindset allows you to assert your unique perspective without second-guessing yourself.

Similarly, in your personal life, sorry, not sorry encourages you to look after your own happiness and well-being. It means saying no to commitments that don't resonate with you, setting boundaries that honour your needs, and unapologetically expressing your authentic self in relationships.

Of course, this doesn't mean disregarding the feelings or perspectives of others. While the “sorry, not sorry” mindset encourages authenticity, it's not permission to be a horrible person. We live in a society and it’s essential to recognise that there are times when apologies are warranted, especially when we've genuinely done the wrong thing. Apologising for our mistakes demonstrates accountability, empathy, and a willingness to learn and grow.

It's about finding a balance between honouring yourself and respecting those around you. By embodying authenticity in your choices, you inspire others to do the same and create a ripple effect of empowerment and self-expression.

It doesn’t mean you blunder in and say “There’s no way on earth I’d join your committee. Soz not soz!”. But it would sound like “Oh thank you for asking, but I won’t be able to take that one on. Good luck!”

Too often, we dim our own light to avoid rocking the boat or disappointing those around us. But in doing so, we inadvertently shrink ourselves, sacrificing our true desires and passions in the process.

Stop ticking other people’s boxes!

By embracing “sorry, not sorry”, you give yourself permission to be unapologetically you – flaws, quirks, and all. It's about embracing your unique qualities and confidently navigating the world on your own terms.

Until next week,

Take care of yourself and others

Madeleine

PS: If you’d like me to help as you get your “sorry not sorry” happening, let me know and please share with anyone you think may benefit.

I help accomplished professionals untangle difficult career questions so they can thrive in work and life.

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